Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. It began a little something like this…

Me: Got you a present.

Viking: Is it a divorce?

Me: You wish, blockhead.

Viking: A man can dream.

Me: Shut yer toasthole, I’m trying to be nice for a minute!

Viking: I feel like I should take cover, or at least flinch?

Me: Your gift is: I promise not to roll my eyes at you alllllllll day.

Viking: Whereby “day” means “daylight” means “full sun”…and today, that’s quite the loophole, since it’s overcast.

Me: That’s not what I meant. I meant “day” as in “full sun” as in “until dusk”.

Viking: I stand corrected.

Me: Think you know everything. Pffft.

Viking: Why are your eyes all scrunched closed?

Me: I’M TRYING NOT TO ROLL THEM AT YOU! THIS IS YOUR GIFT!

Viking: *deadpan* I really hit the jackpot when I married you.

Me: Yes, you did! Congratulations on your success!

(And before Jason Jones says it for the hundredth time, yes, I understand that The Viking is the only man on the planet who would ever put up with a horrible creature like me for more than a day and a half. I KNOW THIS. So congratulations to me, too. Heh heh)

Me: Hey Mum, I don’t know what to get Dad for Father’s Day.

Mum: I heard something on the radio that might be good: why don’t you get him a card, and write in it what your favourite lesson he ever taught you was…

Me: I suspect “thanks for teaching me that if I’m going to make chloroform, to do it in the back yard and not the basement” is an inappropriate sentiment for the occasion.

Mum: Is it honest?

Me: Well, ya. But…

Mum: Is it heartfelt?

Me: Very. But, Mum…

Mum: Will he like it?

Me: He’ll laugh his fucking ass off.

Mum: *scowl* Language, Allison.

Me: You get mad at the wrong stuff, Mum.

*grin* Happy Father’s Day, Daddy. Storyteller, rascal…chemist? You’re all kinds of things, and you’re definitely one of a kind. Love ya, Pa.