Me: I’m working on making this scene funnier. Help me out here with some funky music, Songza?

Songza: Just a fool to believe (just a foooool too believe!)…she’s like the wind!

Me: Forgive me, I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Patrick Swayze is not funny. In fact, he’s a lot less funny since the death-by-Cancer thing.

Songza: Nowwww I knoooow I’ve got to * synthesizer bang-bang!* run away!  Whoaaaa, tainted love.

Me: Really?

Songza: I love you though you hurt me so. Now I’m gonna pack my things and go!

Me: Could you be a bit more dramatic about it?

Songza: *synthesizer bang-bang!*

Me: Nice. Next?

Songza: Our so-called leaders speak. With words they try to jail ya.

Me: Hey, is that a crack about me?!

Songza: Donnnn’t geeeet meeee wrong if I’m looking kind of dazzled. Iiiii seeeeee neon lights whenever you walk by.

Me: Don’t think you can flirt your way out of this, Songza.

Songza: Suddenly thunder …showers everywhere! Who can explain the thunder and rain but there’s something in the air!

Me: Well… *kicks toe in sand* I mean, I’m not all that bad I suppose, but thunder? Rain? Gosh.

Songza: *trumpets!* *LOVE!*

Me: Oh, no you don’t. I’m writing, here. I’m not singing and dancing with you in my office at 4 A.M…

Sognza: The tide is high but I’m holding on. I’m gonna be your number one.

Me: I’M NOT THE KIND OF GIRL WHO GIVES UP JUST LIKE THAT, OH NO! Damn you, Songza. Okay, let’s get back to writing. It’s almost summer, and we’re going to have two kids here for two months. Come on. Serious business, now, Songza. Get goofy with the tunes.

Songza: It’s a cruel (cruel!)…cruel summer. Leaving me here on my own. It’s a cruel (it’s a cruel!)…cruel summer. Now you’re gone. You’re not the only one….

Me: *considers* Yup. Marnie can work with this. *volume up* Can we get even more ridiculous, ya think? … *surprised blink* Wait–did I just imagine that crooked little grin, or did you just smirk at me, Songza? What have you got up your digital sleeve, there?

Songza: Lez’do it! *panting* Took her to the hotel. She said, “you’re the king.” So be my queen if ya know what I mean and let’s do the WILD THANG.  Please, baby-baby, please. *drops mic and walks off stage*

Me: *head/desk*

(A.J. Aalto is the author of Touched and Death Rejoices, of the Marnie Baranuik Files. And she almost never flirts with digital appliances for realsies…but she does occasionally let them boss her around.)