Muse: Yo, toots.

Me: *glare*

Muse: You should write.

Me: Meh.

Muse: No, for realz. You’ve already started something. You started THREE somethings. We like it, all of it. It was going so well the other day.

Me: The other day I was all wheee. Now I’m meh. Roll with it.

Muse: Are we stuck on meh? Can we get back to wheee? What button do we press to get off this ride at wheee?

Me: If I knew that, smartass, I wouldn’t be anywhere near meh.

Muse: You know…when you finish a book, someone might buy you a cake.

Me: Wonka-wha?

Muse: Or a pie.

Me: Or a cake-pie?

Muse: Because that has happened.

Me: It has. But… I’d have to come out from under the bed.

Muse: Well, yeah, that’s true. You’d have to do that long enough to type some words. Maybe a few more months of typing.

Me: And then the launch stuff.

Muse: Right. You’d have to stay out to eat pie.

Me: Cake-pie. I want cake-pie.

Muse: Whatever. How about we put your new book cover on the cake?

Me: CAKE-PIE!

Muse: You can’t put your cover on a cake-pie! There’s no icing on a cake-pie!

Me: YOU DON’T KNOW.

Muse: Fine, YOU show ME how you can put an icing-cover on a goddamn cake-pie and we’ll fucking get someone to do it, agreed?

Me: You promise I can have treats?

Muse: Of course I do. Because if all else fails, toots, you can buy your own goddamn cake-pie with all that big, juicy book money. You could probably buy two cake-pies. Or six.

Me: *excited now* One for each book. Yeah.

Muse: Yeah.

Me: Line ’em all up on the counter.

Muse: There ya go.

Me: We could call the slices “chapters” ‘cuz they’re pieces of a book.

Muse: What-the-fuck-ever. Justwouldyouplease write now?

Me: *smiles dreamily* Tomorrow. I will tomorrow. For cake-pie. Six cake-pies. I feel better already.

Muse: We’re going to have to do something about that damn dog barking, though…

Me: Cake-pie. OH OH, what about SCONE-TARTS! Are those a thing? LEMON MERINGUE SCONE-TARTS. I think we should see if the Pie Man can make us scone-tarts.

Muse: Aaaaand I’ve lost you.