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Happy Fuckin’ Ho Ho, ‘Ho

Not to sound like a Grinch…but I dread Christmas shopping this year. Finding the perfect gift for someone is a task I do not like to half-ass. The joy of seeking & discovering something JUST RIGHT for a loved one is very satisfying, but the hunt is time-consuming and stressful. As some of you may know, I am home as a caregiver almost 24/7 with a child who is unwell, a child whom I wouldn’t dream of dragging with me to a packed mall. My free time is, at this point, limited to 4 am-7 am, or 4 am-9am on a work day…and the odd evening that I might slip out for an hour to remember who I was before Brain Goblins attacked my kid and changed our lives in ways we could not have expected.

I can barely juggle my day-to-day; I try, but the truth is, most days are an epic fail. How am I going to juggle the hurricane of holiday expectations? The shopping alone just boggles my brain. I cannot imagine how I might–? No. You know what? I give up *tired laugh* I can’t. I’m throwing in the towel. I’m waving the white flag. Done. Out. Nope. Can’t. Everyone’s getting the same thing.

Dear People on my Xmas List: I’m going to one store, and buying 55 of the exact same thing. If you’re lucky, the mood to Christmas shop won’t strike when I’m at the sex shop. “Yes, Virginia, I DO SO want 55 COCKASAURUS REX dildos. PUT THEM IN THE GODDAMN BAG AND TAKE MY CREDIT CARD.” 

Holiday problems: SOLVED.

Points scored: zero

Stress accumulated: minimal

Guilt: Fuck guilt. I’m letting myself off the hook this year.

How are you handling holiday crunch time?

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2 Responses to Happy Fuckin’ Ho Ho, ‘Ho

  1. Genny says:

    Sorry holidays are proving to be so stressful. Mine will be interesting due to budgeting. Shopping online maybe? They ship to your door. Best of luck.

  2. Monica says:

    I’m managing my holiday stress with a cockasaurus rex of course!

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