Greed: I want a cookie for breakfast.

Me: You’re having an egg.

Greed: Pfft. An egg is not a cookie.

Ego: We’re so smart.

Me: Shut up, the both of you. We’re having an egg and tea and getting back to work.

Greed: Cookies are good. There’s one cookie left.

Me: No. I’m not eating a cookie before dawn!

Ego: We can tell time. We know about nutrition. We’re smart.

Greed: The cookie is right by the kettle. I can eat it while I’m making tea.

Logic: To be fair, a cookie eaten while making tea is not a meal. That’s a snack.

Me: Whose side are you on?

Logic: Ours? If we eat the cookie, they’ll be gone, and we can’t be tempted to eat cookies if they’re gone.

Ego: See? So smart.

Me: No snacks before breakfast!

Greed: So we can have the cookie after breakfast.

Logic: That isn’t exactly what we said.

Me: The cookie IS NOT HAPPENING.

Logic: The only way to assure that is to throw it in the garbage.

Greed: *chokes*

Me: *hesitates*

Logic: But that would be a waste…wasting is not smart.

Ego: We’re smart. Mom said so.

OCD: *psssst* ((You have to be smart. The opposite of smart is dumb, and dumb is not acceptable.))

Me: *mumbles with mouth full* I hate you all. *brushes cookie crumbs off shirt*

OCD:  ((If there are no home-made cookies in your house, maybe you’re not a good enough mother.))

Me: Oh for fuck’s sake. Since when?

OCD: ((I’m just trying to help you be a good person. You have no cookies. Other people are allowed to fall down on the job, but not you. Better get baking.))

Logic: “Fall down on the job?” Who are you kidding? Have you seen her laundry? Look at the dust bunnies under the couch. And those windows could use a shine…

Me: I’m going to stab you both with a fork in a minute…

OCD: ((But Allison feels like a good mother after she’s baked treats for the kids. Let’s guide her toward feeling good…))

Greed: Cookies do help us write.

Me: There’s no data to support that theory!

Ego: Data. Theory. *proud grin* We’re so smart. Mom was right.

Logic: Mom was biased.

OCD: ((Uh oh, does that mean you’re dumb? That’s not allowed…))

Me: ARGGHHH!! *goes for the fork*

Muse: *clears throat* Are we doing this or what? *taps foot* … *points to desk* I’ve got an idea… you know that reporter at the crime scene? …look at this… *wicked little smile*