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The Giantass 2012 To-Do List

Perhaps I’ve chosen a bad title. In no way do I mean to imply that 2012 looks fat in those pants. Nor do I wish 2012 to be the Year of the Giant Ass; if anything, I’d like 2012 to be the Year of the Tight Ass. Wait! Not “tight ass” as in–oh, balls, I better shut up while I’m slurring around only one foot.

Tonight’s blog is a list of things I wanna do in 2012: goals, trips, experiences … not necessarily accomplishments, although there are a few of those, too. I appreciate that no one needs to read this list but me, as this is only interesting to those few people who happen to share this head. However, if I get it on website-paperspace, then in, say, June, I can look back on this list and laugh, and laugh, and laugh at all my failures and fuck ups. *grin* 

1. Finish the first draft of “Death Rejoices, Book 2 of the Marnie Baranuik Files“. My soft goal for this is February 1st; pretty confident about this one, which is why it’s #1. This may be the only thing on the list I can/will accomplish.

2. Launch Death Rejoices by my birthday, July 22nd. I had always hoped to be published before I turn 40. If I can launch DR before the 22nd of July, I’ll have 2 books under my belt before 39, and that will make me very proud. And by “proud”, of course I mean “insufferably smug”.

3. Taste-test 3 strangers. What, you thought I wasn’t gonna bite anyone? Why should this year be any different?

4. Make myself a Wikipedia page, full of bullshit. You know, for posterity! You knew this was coming. Did you expect a year in my life without lies and deception? *snort-laugh* As if!

5. Complete <Not-So-Secret, As Yet Untitled Horror Anthology Thingamabobber> collaboration with Jason D. Ready, horror writer extraordinaire and my BBFF … my boy-type best friend forever. Yes, I said forever, because if I get all, like, immortal n’ shit (which I will, in 2015, right after my boob job) then I plan to infect him with the same–uh, the immortality, not the tits. I’m gonna need lifetime entertainment; it’s all about how you people can serve me, see how it is?

6. Spend a week in April with my amazing assistant and friend, miss Heather. To see how well this went the first time, click here.

7. Spend two weeks at the cottage on Frasier Lake, north of Toronto, to write, and relax with good friends, to drink to excess and play hard and probably wander off into the woods or do something reckless and stupid.

8. Make the July trip to (hey stalkers, what’s that over yonder?! Quick, look!) Readercon, to meet my hilarious, sweet, supportive friends from Twitter’s #pubwrite, the best virtual watering hole for writers.

9. Stay up all night in one of the rooms at the haunted Keefer Mansion Inn, here in Thorold, with my batcrap crazy sister Robin ASAP.

 10. Invent a new musical instrument (well-built male volunteers needed for early testing).

11. Master one position from the Kama Sutra, preferably without breaking my neck.

12. Remodel the second floor of my barn into the perfect writer’s retreat, complete with wood stove (on its way) bar fridge (full of Dr. Pepper) and kettle for tea.

 Twelve is good. I could accomplish more than twelve things this year (no, I couldn’t) but if I set my sights real low, my chances of disappointing myself are equally low. Until next time, my friends *smile and wave*

 

(editor’s note: AJ Aalto is the author of such tripe as Touched, Book One of the Marnie Baranuik Files, guaranteed to increase blood flow to your genital region, strip your brain cells of at least 14 IQ points, and make you wonder if you should have perhaps spent the evening watching “Megashark vs Crocosaurus” for the third time (which you totally should have). She is also a bad lady. A very bad lady. Consider yourself warned.)

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