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Appearances and Apple Crisp

Guess who’s doing some BOOK SIGNINGS?! *jacks her thumbs at herself* Now guess who’s experiencing a heady goulash of cold-cocking terror and industrial-strength bliss about it? *jacks her thumbs at herself*

Last question: Guess who’s gonna quell her giddy theatrics and pull off these signings with grace, poise and dignity? *snort-chortle* BA hahahahaha HA! Nu-unh, sweetheart. Not me. I’ll be the one with 12 shots of rum in her Starbucks hot chocolate, greeting people with a big spank on the ass and a broad, cheesy wink. OK maybe not when my husband’s looking, but the minute he turns his back, you’re all fair game.

Where to find me

(note to stalkers: this part doesn’t warrant your attention, sooo skip to the end for a sweet Fall recipe!)

Friday, October 28th 6pm-9pm: CHAPTERS in the Fairview Mall, St. Catharines. Since it’s Hallowe’en weekend, you’re welcome to wear your costume!(family-friendly & public-appropriate, no dead hookers pls–AND NO DAMN CLOWNS! FUCK YOU, CLOWNS! I repeat: NO NO NO.)

<These: No. All clowns will be kicked repeatedly in the gonads>

Friday October 28th 9:13 pm:Having complete mental breakdown in the staff room at CHAPTERS in the Fairview Mall, St. Catharines (slide the book under the door. I’ll sign it when I regain consciousness)

Saturday October 29th 1pm-4pm:CHAPTERS in the Fairview Mall, St. Catharines

Saturday October 29th midnight: out in the barn doing mandatory ritual sacrifice to Belphegor the Demon Prince of …. I forget. Somethin’ spooky, I bet. Doesn’t matter. It’s Hallowe’en; gotta make the rounds.

October 30th 2 am-2:30 am: Your back yard. But I’ll be much too busy taking pictures to sign books, so please: respect the artist’s process and back off. Jeez.

November 26th 1pm-4pm:COLES at the Pen Center St. Catharines

<not the entrance to COLES at the Pen Center>

AJ’s Near-Famous, Droolworthy Apple Crisp Recipe

It’s cold out, and it’s rainy, and icky, and depressing, and you need something warm and sweet and comforting that isn’t too terrible to eat, especially if you’re on a diet like me. You may ask yourself, ‘when she’s not eating door-to-door salesman-kabobs, what does a horror writer nosh while she’s plotting yet another gory murder scene?’ Welp, here’s my modified apple crisp recipe for you. I hope you enjoy.

5-7 apples, peeled, in slices (any kind, but I love tart Granny Smith apples)

sprinkle lemon juice

1/4 tsp cinnamon mixed with 1/2 tsp Splenda

optional: 1/2 cup raisins or dried cranberries

crumble topping

1/2 cup Splenda brown sugar

1/3 cup flour

1 cup oatmeal

1/4 cup oat bran

1 tsp cinnamon

1/3 cup melted butter

Season apples with lemon juice and sprinkle with the cinnamon/Splenda blend, place in greased pan. Prepare crumble topping and cover the apples. Bake at 350 F for 45 minutes, and enjoy! Easy peasy.

(Editor’s note: AJ Aalto is blamelessly deranged, and should be institutionalized as soon as her signings are done. If she is not, she can in no way be held responsible for her actions. Also: she needs someone to buy her these gloves–I’m talking to you, stalkers. You want my love? Shit like this is your way in! I can be bought! Look, I want em so badly, I forgot to talk in the third person. Buy me these. BUY THEM.Kthnx.)

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One Response to Appearances and Apple Crisp

  1. You need to schedule something with the Coles here in Brantford, ON. I can get you the managers # to call them. They love indy authors in that store. (And if you did, I could drop by and say hi in person.)

    Good luck with your signings!!!

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