Me: *digs toe in blog sand* Um, hiya.

Muse: *glare*

Me: I know. I know. It’s summer. School is out and the kids are home. They’ll … *gulp* be home for the next two months. There might be … activity. And noise.

Muse: *glare*

Me: I know you prefer it to be just you & me. We do work best when there’s silence, but…

Muse *glare*

Me: Maybe I can create a work area that has … um… no. That won’t happen. What if I … no. Hmm. Headphones?

Muse: *glare*

Me: Earplugs?

Muse: *glare*

Me: Please don’t leave me for eight weeks! I can’t bear to be without you. I need you!

Muse: *sighs and inspects fingernails*

Me: I’ll do anything! I’ll get up at 4 A.M. on my days off. I’ll work late into the night. I’ll bribe the kids with candy. 

<And these. Lots and lots of these…>

Muse: *pretends to consider this, then rolls eyes and continues inspecting nails*

Me: Okay, listen up. Pulling out the big guns now, sucker: the power of positive thinking. (That shit works, right?)

Muse: *smirks* If you say so.

Me: *ahem* You’re my creative-airy-fairy-imagination-brainmeats- thingamabob-loopy-doohickey, you belong to me, you’re a part of me, and I therefore command you in all things. You WILL come when I call. 

Muse: That so?

Me: Yes. Yes it is so, Smarmy McPhantomPants. Oh, that’s not a good nickname, it sounds like you have invisible pants, and that’s just weird. Then again, most of the stuff in my head has no pants on, so I suppose it’s fitting.

Muse: … Rapidly losing interest, loiter-pegs.

Me: AHA!!

Muse: Wha–?

Me: DID YOU HEAR THAT?

Muse: I-uh …

Me: LOITER-PEGS?? That’s a Harry word.

Muse: No, that’s a, um, an AJ word.

Me: I’ve never said that in my life.

Muse: You’ve thought it.

Me: I don’t even know what it means.

Muse: It’s in your brain with me; it must be, or I wouldn’t know it. Lemme see *flicks through mental file folders* Right, see here, it’s an old English term for…wait–

Me: *smiles expectantly* Go ahead, you were dredging up information for me like a good little helper. That is what I keep you around for, after all. Please, do continue.

Muse:  Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, we’re still negotiating my terms …

Me: You channeled Harry for me just now and will continue to do so, at my beck and call, for the next eight weeks, without grumbling, moping or playing hide-n-seek. Those are your “terms”, capisce?

Muse: Well played, Writerghoulie … but this isn’t over. I have some serious fuckery up my sleeves. You wait and see. <insert super-villain laughter here>

(Editor’s note: Stay tuned to discover who folds first this summer, AJ or her Muse. Coming soon, an interview with Jason D. Ready (aka Johnny Coattails) on writing collaboratively, all things Steampunk, just what the hell “Pixie Grind” is, and who would win the AJ-Hatchet vs. Jason-Crowbar showdown… )

(author’s note: I wasn’t going to REALLY hit him with a hatchet. TOTALLY pretending. *eyeballs her cop friend* Honest. For realsies!)