{"id":115,"date":"2011-04-25T20:24:00","date_gmt":"2011-04-26T01:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=115"},"modified":"2011-05-04T16:10:17","modified_gmt":"2011-05-04T21:10:17","slug":"the-writers-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=115","title":{"rendered":"The Writer’s Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"

After reading my last blog, my husband said (casually and quite foolishly) \u201cYou should blog about what scares the pants off a horror writer\u2019s spouse<\/em>. Give the world a picture of what it\u2019s like to be married to a \u2026\u201d He bit his tongue, smiling easily. \u201cWriter. Like you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0I can accommodate his wishes, sassy as they may be. It was three weeks ago, the last time I tore asunder my husband\u2019s\u00a0personal fortifications\u00a0and brought him in a quivering heap to his knees. I think he\u2019s got some grey hairs from the event. It went a little something like this \u2026<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cBabe,\u201d he said, zipping his laptop case and checking his iPhone messages. \u201cI\u2019m gonna be late tonight.”<\/p>\n

\u201cOh I see \u2026\u201d I put down my tea. \u201cBut not late<\/em>-late, though, right?”<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s possible.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike, ABBA-punishment late?”<\/p>\n

He groaned. \u201cNot that. Come on, babe, gimme a break.\u201d<\/p>\n

I fluttered my lashes, grinning a warning.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll try to be home before you go to bed \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll try?\u201d I clarified, and began to hum softly.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026 but it looks like I\u2019m going to have to rebuild the whole damn server\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

I wound up and belted out: \u201cOne of is crying, one of us is lying, in my lonely bed!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

He slumped with a long-suffering sigh and a dying moose sound, a drawn out uuuunnnnnnggggh.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cStaring at the ceeeeeeeiling!<\/em>\u201d I raised my voice a full octave. \u201cWishing she was somewhere else insteeeead!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWoman!\u201d he pleaded.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cOne of us is lonely, one of us is only, waiting for a caaaaallllll.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhaddya want, money? Blood? A kidney?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry for herself! Feeling stupid! Feeling small! Wishing she had never left at aaaaalllll.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThat’s it!” He came forward in a rush. “Come here, you.\u201d<\/p>\n

I danced away to the opposite side of the breakfast bar, lifting my voice to the rafters, flinging my arms wide. Before I could get another word out, he crushed me face-to-chest in his bear hug.<\/p>\n

\u201cNEFFER LEF\u2019 A\u2019 AWWWWWLL!\u201d <\/em>I wailed, smothered by his abs. He\u2019s that tall.<\/p>\n

He tightened his hold until the fight went out of me. \u201cAll done?\u201d<\/p>\n

I nodded, a lie.<\/p>\n

“ABBA-ed out?”<\/p>\n

Again,\u00a0my nose wriggled around against his rumbling diaphragm. \u201cI\u2019m sorry you had to experience that,\u201d I coughed as he released his titan grip. \u201cBut you brought it on yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe if you could fall asleep without a man in your bed, it wouldn\u2019t be an issue?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you should hire a man to sleep beside me when you can\u2019t make it home in time?\u201d<\/p>\n

One massive dark eyebrow shot up comically. \u201cOh, really!\u201d<\/p>\n

I just grinned, and dodged from his grasp. \u201cGimme gimme gimme a man after midnight! Won\u2019t somebody help me chase the shadows awa\u2014ack!!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>And now, having had a naked, honest taste of the torture and torment my battle-ready husband is subjected to, the\"\"<\/a> hourly peril he faces, the hurdles he so tirelessly vaults, shouldn\u2019t someone knight<\/em> the poor bastard already?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

After reading my last blog, my husband said (casually and quite foolishly) \u201cYou should blog about what scares the pants off a horror writer\u2019s spouse. Give the world a picture of what it\u2019s like to be married to a \u2026\u201d He bit his tongue, smiling easily. \u201cWriter. Like you.\u201d \u00a0I can accommodate his wishes, sassy […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[21,20,14,19,22],"class_list":["post-115","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing","tag-abba","tag-horror","tag-humour","tag-marriage","tag-writers-spouse"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/115"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=115"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/115\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":200,"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/115\/revisions\/200"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=115"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=115"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=115"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}