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Tag Archives: humour

The Angry Astrologer (Or, Fuck Taurus!)

  GEMINI: Hiya! We’ve actually “met” about 100 kajillion times before–most recently this weekend–but who are you today? We know you like variety, Gemini, but could you please, for the love of Cheez Nips, pick a face and stick with it for more than one day? You’re making those batty Aquarian nutbars look stable by comparison.  CANCER: Just because you secretly love being spanked and called a dirty little fucktoy doesn’t make you a bad feminist … worshipping 24/7 at the Altar of the Wondrous Wiener does. Your judgment is …

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Sex and the Horror Writer

Remember all those times you thought something was missing from a story, and you realized that something was sex, then the author surprised you and threw some in, but it turned out to be really really bad? Like “I want to plant my baby-seeds in your hose-soaked lady garden” bad? No? Apparently, you and I are not reading the same books. *checks the title* Sorry … Landscaping For Dummies. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good sex scene in …

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The Writer’s Spouse

After reading my last blog, my husband said (casually and quite foolishly) “You should blog about what scares the pants off a horror writer’s spouse. Give the world a picture of what it’s like to be married to a …” He bit his tongue, smiling easily. “Writer. Like you.”  I can accommodate his wishes, sassy as they may be. It was three weeks ago, the last time I tore asunder my husband’s personal fortifications and brought him in a quivering heap to …

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Stalking Marnie

Greetings to my new readers. Before we begin, I offer you the following pro-tip: Zombies can’t crouch, and they’re piss-poor climbers. How do I know this? I have bad knees. But AJ, what the crap does that have to do with zombies, you ask? Follow my logic: zombies are reanimated dead people. I am alive. Therefore, no matter how bad my knees are, they must be better than dead knees, no? Humour me, or rub this Ben Gay clockwise on my kneecaps. …

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