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Monthly Archives: May 2011

Taking It To The Grave 2 (Interview With A Thrill Master)

No, no–don’t get up … a woman getting tossed in a cell with you is hardly the same as her joining you at the dinner table. Jesus, you can barely stand. Sit back down before you fall. *swipes under her bloody nose with forefinger* No sense cracking your fool head open before they bring your last meal, Boudreau. Yeah … I know who you are. You understand why you’re not chained up, right? *gestures at the iron rings bolted to the …

Posted in Indie Interviews | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Why Writers Should Listen to Kids (Also: Why I’m Going to Hell)

I’m just gonna say it: all kids are retarded. They are! And you know it! Yes, “retarded” is a totally un-PC term (do spank me for it later) and some very kindhearted liberal types want us to stop using it, and eventually I will, because I’m not a total asswipe. I have nothing against the mentally challenged. I may be mentally challenged. But for the last little while until it becomes unforgivably rude, I’ll use it. I’m a wordsmith, and it’s a fun word. OK? Besides, I’m …

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Harvesting the Best Brains (And Junk)

  A writer’s greatest resource, in my opinion, is the awesome clout of human brain power–millions of furiously-blinking electric impulses zinging along nerves and neurons, dancing in a heady soup (heh, I said head) of hormones, fed precise doses of cerebral chemicals of near-magical influence, apt to spill glory in a blink, surging with readiness like a cock at a strip club. I do not refer now to the writer’s own brain, no. I’m talking about the collected pool of human knowledge and behaviour …

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A Short Story on a Wednesday? (How Absurd!)

Recently, I parcelled out bits and pieces of my inner self to a friendship fresh-plucked from the ether-tree. How new, you ask, (because apparently you’re super-nosy)? Let’s just say I’ve had riper pears in June, though maybe only Niagara soft fruit farmers will get that joke. Nonetheless, it went something like this: C’mere, lean in close to me … now, check these night vision goggles. See that tiny raw thing crouching in the dark alley? Nope, left. Yep, my soul. I trust you won’t plant yer boot there. That might really hurt. Now, I …

Posted in Opinions | 1 Comment
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