{"id":921,"date":"2011-06-26T16:45:52","date_gmt":"2011-06-26T21:45:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=921"},"modified":"2011-06-26T16:45:52","modified_gmt":"2011-06-26T21:45:52","slug":"clean-sheets-and-dirty-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=921","title":{"rendered":"Clean Sheets and Dirty Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"

Now that I have your attention (you marvelous perverts–I\u00a0DIG you!<\/em>) it’s time for…<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0AJ’s SUPER-SERIOUS SUMMER READING LIST<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

(and holy shit, is this colour\u00a0ever cremating my optic nerves!!)<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

As any writer with children knows, summer vacation is upon us, which means a huge drop in wordcount and a rapid increase in the number of times one is forced to utter phrases like: “dont lick the dog there!”<\/em> and “why are you punting perfectly good\u00a0Fig Newtons at your brother’s head?<\/em>” and \u00a0“put\u00a0my foot massager\u00a0back<\/em> in\u00a0my sock drawer!”<\/em> and “No-no-no-no<\/em> that isn’t CANDY!!!”<\/em> (Note to self: find a new home for sex toys and blueberry-flavoured lube<\/em>) <\/strong><\/p>\n

In an attempt to not become completely berserk by September, I have put together a Sanity Liberation Action Plan, or SLAP<\/span>. SLAP<\/span> reads as follows:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Step One: Locate booze–kidding (mostly<\/em>).<\/strong><\/p>\n

Step Two: Launch first novel, “Touched”,\u00a0in ebook format July 22nd, 2011. WOOT! *chews nails to the quick*<\/strong><\/p>\n

Step Three: Relocate well-hidden sex toys (Hey,\u00a0I’m gonna\u00a0need a time-out, get off my case)\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Step Four: Do not stress about lowered wordcount.\u00a0Also: do not obsessively check ebook sales of “Touched” every ten minutes for the entire rest of the summer.\u00a0\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Step Five: Instead, catch up on reading list! Memorize the phrase: “Kid, can it wait until the end of this chapter, or is someone on fire?”<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

As per Step Five of SLAP<\/span>,\u00a0I’ve taught my children how to use the fire extinguisher, and put together a reading list to plow through, incuding some\u00a0works by my new indie friends in Twitter’s fabulous #pubwrite group. <\/strong><\/p>\n

1. “War and Peace<\/span>“, by that dead Russian\u00a0dude who’s totally famous–except in my head, where I’m drawing a blank. I tell people I’ve read “War and Peace<\/span>“. I have not. I intend to report by the end of the summer that I have actually, honestly read this. I highly doubt it will be a statement of truth. TOLSTOY! See? I knew I’d get it. Ok, I lie, I Googled it. You know what makes me happy? Picturing\u00a0Tolstoy shakin’ it to DMX’s”Party up In Here”. I think\u00a0Tolstoy woulda got jiggy with it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

2. “Tommyknockers<\/span>“, by his majesty, the king of horror, Stephen King. Because I’m just really in the mood lately for a (spoiler alert<\/em>) buried spaceship that drives a whole town homicidally bonkers, y’know? I need a break from zombies, ghouls and killer ass weasels. *considers this* Woah, that’s weird: I’ve never<\/em> been sick of ghouls before.<\/strong><\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 The sequel to\u00a0 “Gabriel’s Redemption<\/a>\u00a0” by Steve Umstead. I know it’s coming … not sure when, but soon. I very much enjoyed Steve’s forray into SciFi, loved the character Evan Gabriel, and will download this sequel the day of launch. <\/strong><\/p>\n

4. “The Mighty T<\/a>\u00a0<\/span>” by Everett Powers. <\/strong>\u00a0It’s sitting on my iPad waiting for me, calling to me … AJ, read me read me.<\/em> After launching “Touched”, I will finally have time to explore this author. I have a feeling he’s gonna blow me away: that’s why I stole his gun, shhh don’t tell him.<\/strong><\/p>\n

5. “Schlongmaster, an Erotic Fright-Fest and Intergalatic Cookbook<\/span>” by AJ Aalto. Wait, what? That’s totally not a thing! But gimme a few weeks, because it sure sounds like it should <\/em>be, am I right?<\/strong><\/p>\n

6. “Death to Dust<\/span>” by Kenneth V. Iserson, MD.\u00a0A re-read, a massive lap-cracking tome, and not for the faint of heart, but a necessary brush-up on the science of death and decay. If you wanna know it, it’s in here.\u00a0Iserson spares no detail.<\/strong><\/p>\n

7. “I, The Creation of a Serial Killer<\/a><\/span>” by\u00a0Jack Olsen\u00a0and Keith Hunter Jesperson. This is a second attempt to read this book, the only book\u00a0that has\u00a0ever <\/em>horrified me to the point where I could not continue. \u00a0I should point out: I’m not unaccustomed to reading True Crime. I, in fact, love<\/em> True Crime. I could be content reading about serial killers all night, in my house alone, in the dark (I know, right? Reading in the dark, so fucking talented–I’m like a ninja, if ninjas could see in the dark<\/em>). In this book, though, there was\u00a0this part … oh God, I can’t even talk about it. It was\u00a0one of\u00a0the worst things I can imagine, and 2 yrs after trying to read it, I ‘m not over it yet. I must plow through it, if not in the name of research then for my pride. I can’t let a human monster get the better of me, nuh-uh, not gonna happen. There should be nothing<\/em> a human being can do, that I can’t read about. I am a horror writer, I can hack it! (Get it? Hack? NEVERmind)<\/strong><\/p>\n

8. “On Killing<\/a><\/span>” by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, recommended for anyone who\u00a0ever needs to write about murder, or understand the psychological effects of killing. So far, my characters only kill monsters and otherworldly shit, but the day may come where my main character has to take on a berry-bad<\/em> human. That might fuck her up a wee bit, so I should know exactly how that might mess with her.<\/strong><\/p>\n

9. “The Pregnant Widow<\/span>” by Martin Amis. Because I read “The Information<\/span>” and loved it too much for adequate description, really. The minute I set it aside, I could not wait to pick it up again. It’s been AGES <\/em>since I loved a book (or an author) this much, and this had been my first exploration of Amis. I will absolutely buy all of his books. <\/strong><\/p>\n

10. “Grave Undertakings<\/span>” by the very cool R. A. Evans–when he launches it–because I loved his horror novel “Asylum Lake<\/a>” and will patiently wait for the sequel. I’m hoping it happens before I go to the cottage, because the atmosphere would match completely. <\/strong><\/p>\n

11. “The Book of the New Sun<\/span>” by Gene Wolfe, all four books. No reason, just thought it sounded like a\u00a0kickass science fantasy romp.<\/strong><\/p>\n

12. “Drood<\/span>” by Dan Simmons, one of my all-time favourite authors. The very genius twist on the psi-vampires in “Carrion Comfort<\/span>” entertained me endlessly, as did his “A Winter Haunting<\/span>” which was the best ghost story I have ever read. If “Drood<\/span>” is in keeping with everything else this multi-genre master has to offer, I am in for a treat.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’d like to give a final shout-out\/kick-in-the-pants\/cyber-wedgie to one of my very favourite indie authors, Al Boudreau, who would have topped this list with his second novel, if only he’d written it in time! I loved his first, the 5 STAR thriller “In Memory of Greed<\/a>” so much that I find myself wondering about his characters and what they might do next. He’s been keeping\u00a0me in the loop, but he needs to hurry the hell up! Until then, I eagerly follow his Cage Matches on his blog<\/a>, and am participating in Horror In The Cage\u00a0in August against a very worthy opponent, Mr. Jesse James Freeman<\/a>\u00a0(aka @mythcop)\u00a0Should be a\u00a0bloodbath; I’m psyched, intimidated, nervous and nauseous, but I’m <\/em>gonna win. *RAWR!* It helps that I absolutely respect and adore Jesse\u00a0as a person\u00a0… he’s the Real Thing, and\u00a0we’re going to have a blast going head-to-head. <\/strong><\/p>\n

So there it be. Join me on my Super-Serious Summer Reading List (oy–that colour–eyeballs incinerating–nerve damage imminent) <\/span>if you dare, but please keep in mind: this list is for adults only, and only those adults who have iron stomachs and wills like dreadnaughts. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Oh, and one last thing. For Leo “Big-Baller” Tolstoy …. “All my street street people, meet me outside meet me outside meet me outside!<\/em>“<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Now that I have your attention (you marvelous perverts–I\u00a0DIG you!) it’s time for… \u00a0AJ’s SUPER-SERIOUS SUMMER READING LIST (and holy shit, is this colour\u00a0ever cremating my optic nerves!!) As any writer with children knows, summer vacation is upon us, which means a huge drop in wordcount and a rapid increase in the number of times […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinions"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/921"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=921"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/921\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":949,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/921\/revisions\/949"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=921"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=921"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=921"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}