{"id":821,"date":"2011-06-07T18:51:52","date_gmt":"2011-06-07T23:51:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=821"},"modified":"2011-06-07T18:51:52","modified_gmt":"2011-06-07T23:51:52","slug":"bremelanotide-nerdly-home-invasions-and-photography","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=821","title":{"rendered":"Bremelanotide, Nerdly Home Invasions and Photography"},"content":{"rendered":"

I like hats.<\/p>\n

<the end><\/p>\n

Wouldn’t that\u00a0be an awesome blog, just a bigass random title, “I like hats”, and then … nothing.<\/p>\n

Alas, this is AJ-Land, Official Home of the Blatherer, so it is not to be. Brevity may be the soul of wit,\u00a0but how ’bout when\u00a0a blogger is witless and soulless, hunh?\u00a0Where does that leave me?<\/p>\n

I swear, I had a point when I sat down. OH RIGHT!<\/em> I like hats. And this is fortunate, because a while back I thought I’d chop off all my hair. For the first little while, this was OK, but I miss my long, chunky layers, and … *dread* *horror* this week I shall be having my official author photos taken. Doesn’t that sound so pretentious? No, not my use of the word “shall”. “Official author photos” … like I’m hanging out in a martini bar in a fedora licking the end of my pencil and–don’t those cool-daddy authors do that<\/em>?–writing film noir dialogue that could slap a cigar out of a mobster’s mouth and\u00a0smoke that cigar\u00a0while peelin’ panties with a wink. I have\u00a0no friggin’ idea\u00a0what any of that means (I was hoping you would<\/em>), but I do know\u00a0two things:\u00a0<\/p>\n

A) I have lost the ability to memorize shit like “acetomidohexanoylwhosa-whatsit” and must instead be satisfied with saying bremelanotide, and<\/p>\n

B) I will be VERY tempted to wear a hat\u00a0in my author photo this week.<\/p>\n

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<Can’t I just\u00a0use this one,\u00a0big ole\u00a0eyeballs? No, whatCHOO<\/em> lookin’ at?><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

So, the A problem (that sounds like I’m referring to an ass problem, like there’s a T problem coming up about my tits–and there TOTALLY is<\/em>) stems from my new inability to connect bitty pieces of chemistry together\u00a0to make sense of long chemical\u00a0compound names. This used to be easy.\u00a0This used to be a daily habit. I can probably\u00a0remember C50H68N14O10–but I wouldn’t bet my life on it. Not that there’ll be any home invasion-style pop quizes where the thug scream-spits in my face: “Gimme the fuckin’ jewelry, bitch, and what’s the compound name for bremelanotide? Yeah, you heard me.\u00a0SAY IT! SAY IT IN FULL, FOOL,\u00a0OR I’M’A BASH YOUR SKULL IN!” <\/em>That would be kickass …\u00a0geek home invasion by University drop-out who failed his chem final and just fuckin’ snapped.<\/p>\n

Anyway, this distresses me some (not the home invasion, the memory thang–I’ve got my pickleforks, I’m fine<\/em>). I used to be pretty damn good at shit like that. Have I lost that ability? Do I even need it, really? It isn’t as though I have a secret laboratory in my cellar with test tubes and beakers bubbling away. No, honest, I don’t! Plus, making your own chloroform (trichloromethane? YES! *licks finger and\u00a0draws\u00a0point on imaginary scoreboard*<\/em>) can cause big kablooies<\/em>, sooooo … what was my point? Oh, right: perhaps I’m using different parts of my brain more than others–the\u00a0fruit has fallen off the\u00a0mind-crops and my science is a fallow field.\u00a0That’s more than a little disconcerting. In an effort to strengthen these underused grey cells, I will be making more of an effort to spin science into my writing and blogs.<\/p>\n

The B problem (kinda like the B train,\u00a0‘cept\u00a0it doesn’t smell like day-old piss<\/em>)\u00a0should resolve itself by the end of the week. Erm, not that my hair is going to grow to full-length in three days. But if I can get over my fear of not being photogenic, and just relax and have fun with the shoot, it should be OK. If not …<\/p>\n

There’s always hats! \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

(Editor’s Note: Photo taken today at 3:30ish pm. WOW, is that a new zit? 37 years old and still getting pimples–that’s fantastic! Just in time for photo week. Do I see a grey hair? Also,\u00a0SO spectacular. And in case anyone’s wondering, that’s not a medic alert bracelet, because I do not have a fatal allergy to penicillin, so don’t\u00a0bother trying\u00a0to kill me with moldy strawberries like you’re some clever\u00a0snot-nosed murderer in an Agatha Christie novel, got it?)<\/em><\/p>\n

(Author’s note: There was no T-for-titties problem. I lied. I <\/em>always do.)\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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I like hats. <the end> Wouldn’t that\u00a0be an awesome blog, just a bigass random title, “I like hats”, and then … nothing. Alas, this is AJ-Land, Official Home of the Blatherer, so it is not to be. Brevity may be the soul of wit,\u00a0but how ’bout when\u00a0a blogger is witless and soulless, hunh?\u00a0Where does that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-821","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinions"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/821"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=821"}],"version-history":[{"count":32,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/821\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":856,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/821\/revisions\/856"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=821"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=821"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=821"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}