{"id":660,"date":"2011-05-25T12:30:57","date_gmt":"2011-05-25T17:30:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=660"},"modified":"2011-05-25T13:25:17","modified_gmt":"2011-05-25T18:25:17","slug":"a-short-story-on-a-wednesday-how-absurd","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=660","title":{"rendered":"A Short Story on a Wednesday? (How Absurd!)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recently, I parcelled out bits and pieces of my inner self to a friendship\u00a0fresh-plucked from the ether-tree. How new, you ask, (because apparently you’re\u00a0super-nosy<\/em>)? Let’s just say I’ve had riper\u00a0pears in June,\u00a0though maybe only Niagara soft fruit farmers will get that joke.\u00a0Nonetheless, it went something like this:\u00a0C’mere, lean in close to me\u00a0… now,\u00a0check these night vision goggles. See that tiny raw thing crouching in\u00a0the dark alley? Nope, left. Yep,\u00a0my soul. I trust you won’t\u00a0plant yer boot\u00a0there. That\u00a0might really hurt. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Now,\u00a0I might be a total goof, but I’m perfectly\u00a0aware\u00a0that people\u00a0have a tendency to sting like red ants\u00a0when they’re moody.\u00a0What I did <\/em>forget\u00a0was how\u00a0large a chink in my otherwise impenetrable armour I had revealed.\u00a0\u00a0Dumbass that I am, I made things worse by\u00a0merrily\u00a0rolling through\u00a0this big ole riled-up ant pile, flashing\u00a0some soft sensitive spots like a nudist\u00a0covered\u00a0in\u00a0mint jelly. OK, the mint jelly part\u00a0might be\u00a0silly. Raspberry perhaps–crimson suits me.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So,\u00a0this morning, I rolled out of bed, poked my stinging chest and thought “who died?”, remembered that I’m a gigantic dillhole–fantastic!–\u00a0and tried to minimize the impact of\u00a0one\u00a0frosty monosyllabic treatment (Frosty Monosyllabic Treatments available at your local spa for only 89.99–now with a free FreshMint Rinse)<\/em> by pouring myself into a hot bubble bath, there to lurk hippo-like, with only my eyes showing above the water. And there I thought. And mused. Mulled just a bit. OK,\u00a0it’s totally possible that\u00a0I obsessed, a lot<\/em>, but I’ll never tell.<\/strong><\/p>\n

AJ, you nudge, rapidly losing patience with my rambling, what the hairy ratfuck does this have to do with a short story? <\/strong><\/p>\n

Actually, it has a lot to do with a short story,\u00a0Cursey McSwearsalot (also: how about a little compassion, sheesh, I’m\u00a0grumpy\u00a0and I’m tryin’ to milk it!).<\/em> I was having trouble with the end of this story.\u00a0This is only my second shortie, and it’s outside my regular genre–in that there’s no gore and sex. I’m not good at\u00a0shorts yet (sounds like I have no summer fashion sense … and I don’t, so why correct it?)<\/em>\u00a0 Well, like any artist, I blew that\u00a0sting\u00a0massively out of proportion so I could\u00a0put\u00a0that friggin’ angst to work for me: damn right,\u00a0I did. *flex*\u00a0That’s\u00a0“passion”, my friends\u00a0…\u00a0if by “passion” you mean “flights of lunacy.” <\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course, I am being silly. I’m a writer, I’m allowed to come unhinged randomly and without much provocation.\u00a0I swear to you, that’s in the rule book somewhere.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe it worked, maybe it didn’t. You be sure to let me know, but please note: until\u00a0I rebuild\u00a0this one open spot\u00a0in my\u00a0normally iron-clad fortifications, I’m liable to pour the boiling pitch without asking “who goes there?”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here be the\u00a0 <\/strong>Shortie <\/strong><\/a>. Don’t expect zombies or goblins or perverts (oh my!)<\/em> today. Like I said, this is a departure for me.\u00a0 And don’t be afraid to take a flying leap, my sweet readers … where would writers be without our\u00a0dreams?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>(AJ Aalto dreams, and often\u00a0… she daydreams about sun-warmed raspberries, and lilac trees, and quiet crypts, and poutine. She dreams about\u00a0one of those things\u00a0more than she should. Potatoes, gravy,\u00a0 fat and cheese?\u00a0Frankly, AJ\u00a0cannot fathom how\u00a0anyone <\/em>wouldn’t dream of poutine, cuz that’s just kooky talk.)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently, I parcelled out bits and pieces of my inner self to a friendship\u00a0fresh-plucked from the ether-tree. How new, you ask, (because apparently you’re\u00a0super-nosy)? Let’s just say I’ve had riper\u00a0pears in June,\u00a0though maybe only Niagara soft fruit farmers will get that joke.\u00a0Nonetheless, it went something like this:\u00a0C’mere, lean in close to me\u00a0… now,\u00a0check these night […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-660","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinions"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/660"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=660"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/660\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":694,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/660\/revisions\/694"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=660"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=660"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=660"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}