Viking: Uh huh.<\/p>\n
Me:\u00a0This would be the part where you\u00a0gallop on over.\u00a0Rescue me,\u00a0Galahad!<\/p>\n
Viking: Are you high?<\/p>\n
Me: *sings* \u00a0“Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode out from Camelot! He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin! He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.”<\/p>\n
Viking: *long-suffering sigh* Did you put on the spare tire?<\/p>\n
Me: I have a spare tire? WHERE?<\/p>\n
Viking: In the secret compartment under the trunk.<\/p>\n
Me: I have a secret compartment under the trunk? HOLY BALLS, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!<\/p>\n
Viking: Because you’d take the fucking spare out and hide\u00a0nasty shit in there.<\/p>\n
Me: Why would you think that?<\/p>\n
Viking: I’ve met<\/em> you, Allison.<\/p>\n Me: Don’t be ridiculous. I SO TOTALLY would not\u00a0hide–wait, what kind of shit?<\/p>\n Viking (to himself): Then I’d get caught at the border,\u00a0trying to explain how a bloody hatchet got in my trunk.<\/p>\n Me:\u00a0How big is the compartment? Like,\u00a0\u00a0a whole corpse, or only half…?<\/p>\n Viking: Way to prove me wrong, weirdo.<\/p>\n Me: Look, doing this manly shit for the mother of your\u00a0offspring\u00a0gives your bleak life reason and purpose. It’s refreshing for your soul. I’m doing you a HUGE<\/em> favor.<\/p>\n Viking: That so?<\/p>\n Me: Yes.\u00a0The polite thing to do would be to\u00a0thank me with gifts that demonstrate the depth of your appreciation.\u00a0Flowers\u00a0would be\u00a0appropriate here,\u00a0though I must admit I prefer peanut brittle. Or porn. Peanut brittle and porn.<\/p>\n Viking: *narrows eyes at me* Remind me, why do I keep\u00a0you around?<\/p>\n Me: My sparkling personality.<\/p>\n
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