{"id":1326,"date":"2011-10-20T13:01:38","date_gmt":"2011-10-20T18:01:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=1326"},"modified":"2011-10-20T13:01:38","modified_gmt":"2011-10-20T18:01:38","slug":"appearances-and-apple-crisp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/?p=1326","title":{"rendered":"Appearances and Apple Crisp"},"content":{"rendered":"

Guess who\u2019s doing some BOOK SIGNINGS?!<\/em><\/strong> *jacks her thumbs at herself<\/em>* Now guess who\u2019s experiencing a heady goulash of cold-cocking terror and industrial-strength bliss about it? *jacks her thumbs at herself<\/em>*<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Last question: Guess who\u2019s gonna quell her giddy theatrics and pull off these signings with grace, poise and dignity? *snort-chortle* BA hahahahaha HA! Nu-unh, sweetheart. Not me. I\u2019ll be the one with 12\u00a0shots of rum in her Starbucks hot chocolate, greeting people with a big spank on the ass and a broad, cheesy wink. OK maybe not when my husband\u2019s looking, but the minute he turns his back, you\u2019re all fair game.<\/p>\n

Where to find me<\/strong><\/p>\n

(note to stalkers: this part doesn\u2019t warrant your attention, sooo skip to the end for a sweet Fall recipe!)<\/em><\/p>\n

Friday, October 28th 6pm-9pm<\/strong>: CHAPTERS in the Fairview Mall, St. Catharines. Since it\u2019s Hallowe\u2019en weekend, you\u2019re welcome to wear your costume!<\/strong>(family-friendly & public-appropriate, no dead hookers pls\u2013AND NO DAMN CLOWNS! FUCK YOU, CLOWNS! I repeat: NO NO NO<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

<These: No. All clowns will be kicked repeatedly in the gonads><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Friday October 28th 9:13 pm:<\/strong>Having complete mental breakdown in the staff\u00a0room at CHAPTERS in the Fairview Mall, St. Catharines (slide the book under the door. I\u2019ll sign it when I regain consciousness)<\/p>\n

Saturday October 29th 1pm-4pm:<\/strong>CHAPTERS in the Fairview Mall, St. Catharines<\/p>\n

Saturday October 29th midnight<\/strong>: out in the barn doing mandatory ritual sacrifice to Belphegor the Demon Prince of \u2026. I forget. Somethin\u2019 spooky, I bet. Doesn\u2019t matter. It\u2019s Hallowe\u2019en; gotta make the rounds.<\/p>\n

October 30th 2 am-2:30 am:<\/strong> Your back yard. But I\u2019ll be much too busy taking pictures to sign books, so please: respect the artist\u2019s process and back off. Jeez.<\/p>\n

November 26th 1pm-4pm:<\/strong>COLES at the Pen Center St. Catharines<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

<not the entrance to COLES at\u00a0the Pen Center><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

AJ\u2019s Near-Famous, Droolworthy\u00a0Apple Crisp Recipe<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s cold out, and it\u2019s rainy, and icky, and depressing, and you need something warm and sweet and comforting that isn\u2019t too terrible to eat, especially if you\u2019re on a diet like me. You may ask yourself, \u2018when she\u2019s not eating door-to-door salesman-kabobs, what does a horror writer nosh while she\u2019s plotting yet another gory murder scene?\u2019\u00a0Welp, here\u2019s my modified apple crisp recipe for you. I hope you enjoy.<\/em><\/p>\n

5-7 apples, peeled, in slices\u00a0(any kind, but I love tart Granny Smith apples)<\/strong><\/p>\n

sprinkle lemon juice<\/strong><\/p>\n

1\/4 tsp cinnamon mixed with 1\/2 tsp Splenda<\/strong><\/p>\n

optional: 1\/2 cup raisins or dried cranberries<\/strong><\/p>\n

crumble topping<\/strong><\/p>\n

1\/2 cup Splenda brown sugar<\/strong><\/p>\n

1\/3 cup flour<\/strong><\/p>\n

1 cup oatmeal<\/strong><\/p>\n

1\/4 cup oat bran<\/strong><\/p>\n

1 tsp cinnamon <\/strong><\/p>\n

1\/3 cup melted butter<\/strong><\/p>\n

Season apples with lemon juice and sprinkle with the cinnamon\/Splenda blend, place in greased pan. Prepare crumble topping and cover the apples. Bake at 350 F for 45 minutes, and enjoy! Easy peasy.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>(Editor\u2019s note: AJ Aalto is blamelessly deranged, and should be institutionalized as soon as her signings are done. If she is not, she\u00a0can in no way<\/strong> be held responsible for her actions. Also: she needs someone to buy her these gloves\u2013I\u2019m talking to you, stalkers. You want my love? Shit like this is your way in! I can be bought! Look, I want em so badly, I forgot to talk in the third person. Buy me these. BUY THEM.<\/a>Kthnx.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Guess who\u2019s doing some BOOK SIGNINGS?! *jacks her thumbs at herself* Now guess who\u2019s experiencing a heady goulash of cold-cocking terror and industrial-strength bliss about it? *jacks her thumbs at herself* Last question: Guess who\u2019s gonna quell her giddy theatrics and pull off these signings with grace, poise and dignity? *snort-chortle* BA hahahahaha HA! Nu-unh, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinions"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1326"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1326"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1326\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1332,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1326\/revisions\/1332"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ajaalto.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}