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The Angry Astrologer (Or, Fuck Taurus!)

  GEMINI: Hiya! We’ve actually “met” about 100 kajillion times before–most recently this weekend–but who are you today? We know you like variety, Gemini, but could you please, for the love of Cheez Nips, pick a face and stick with it for more than one day? You’re making those batty Aquarian nutbars look stable by comparison.  CANCER: Just because you secretly love being spanked and called a dirty little fucktoy doesn’t make you a bad feminist … worshipping 24/7 at the Altar of the Wondrous Wiener does. Your judgment is …

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